Forgive Me For I Have Sinned
by Serpentseeker
Summary: Forgive me for I have sinned. Dumbledore knows He has sinned. He know he is the cause for all this. He knows he doesn't deserve forgiveness. He doesn't want to know.


Forgive me, for I have sinned.

These words run relentlessly through my mind as I stare out the window at the rising sun. I feel the castle begin to come alive as children and professors wake and begin to move. I know I have many more tasks to do, much more important and urgant than sitting on a chair and feeling sorry for myself.

Yet I cannot bring myself to care.

Oh, yes, I have sinned. I have sinned against so many people, but the most and the major I have sinned against are the two most major people.

The first was Tom Riddle.

I am not an innocent in him becoming Voldemort. Despite what people do to reassure me, I know that it is mostly my fault.. Alastor is the only one who blames me and I must say he is right.

It was I who introduced him to this world. That was no sin, it was his birthright. My sin was leaving him there, despite his pleas to stay, despite my knowledge of what happened to him there.

Oh yes, I know of all that happened. How he tormented other children with his magic, how they tormented him back, how all the children had to work and slave and get beaten and raped in return. Yes, I knew all that. Yet I refused his pleas to stay here. To take him out of there.

That is the biggest sin of mine.

Why did I not grant his wishes, I wonder? It was not because of the rules. It wasn't because of Armando. The man was wrapped around my pinky. Even if he wasn't I could have found a way for him to stay. I have a talent for manipulation.

But deep inside, set in my bones, I know the reason.

I am a hypocrite.

Despite all my efforts to dispel the House Rivalries, despite my constant veiled reminders to Harry and Severus and dear Minerva to stop talking badly about their enemy house, to try and get along, I did the same thing. I am still doing the same thing. Except my doings have done more than words ever could, despite words being the best weapon.

I never let Tom Riddle stay over summer holidays because he was a Slytherin.

I know. It was a pathetic excuse.

I don't know why I do it. It is one of those things I am never able to figure out, no matter how long I puzzle over it.

It is certainly not their fault that many of Voldemort's followers are supporters and train their children to be supporters to. That is yet another sin of mine. I know what happens in their homes, how Crucio is a common occurance for them, how words are used against them. And yet I don't let them stay. I suppose I will never learn.

I tell myself I should break out of this way of thinking before I create another Dark Lord. Yet I cannot do it. My only exception is Severus, and it is also my fault he has turned out so jaded.

Ah, Severus. Another pureblood I sent home to be tortured.

I should have punished the Marauders harsher than their slap on the wrist. James became a hero, Sirius became an outcast for a long period and got off scot-free, Remus suffered the guilt of nearly killing and Peter battled feelings of uselessness.

I could go on and on about how I sinned against my students. Name a Marauder, a Slytherin, or a student who joined Voldemort? I could tell you a list of crimes.

But Tom Riddle and Harry Potter.

Yes, it was because I stereotype Slytherins. I am biased, and they suffer for a life of punishment. Only a few battle and rebel.

So, Tom Riddle suffered and his hate for muggles grew stronger. And unintentionally I fueled his hate.

Oh, Tom, my dear boy, where did it go wrong? I remember in your first two years I was rather like a mentor to you. But then you turned into a teenager and realized I knew about your hell and did nothing to help. And then you hated me, and that hatred is so strong, it has lasted for over half a century and is still going strong.

And of course, there is Harry. Dear, sweet Harry.

My first sin against him was not finding out the truth about the betrayal. My second was not letting him go with Sirius. My third was putting him with the Dursleys. My fourth was leaving him there. My fifth was all the things happen at Hogwarts.

I had no idea Quirrel was fostering Voldemort. However, I knew Harry would go after the Stone and I did not beg him off that. I didn't know about the diary, but I knew that Harry would find out about the Weasley girl and go to save her.

I suspected Sirius was innocent. I knew that Harry would put himself in danger and go to save Buckbeak. I knew something dangerous was going to happen to him.

I didn't even try to get him out of the Tournament. I could have just made a few threats, twiddled some strings and he would sfae and untouched. But I thought it would make him stronger. I was mistaken.

And perhaps, my greatest mistake.

I left him at that horrible place and told his friends not to write. I thought I was protecting him, but deep down, even then I knew that it wasn't the way to go.

And then I ignored him. I allowed him to trot off and have his hand split open. I shudder at the thought of the bright blood sliding down his pale hand, the look of agony and hate on his face, his determination to not satisfy that awful woman...

Next, I got Severus to teach him Occlumency. I thought it would be away for them to connect over their childhoods. But I forgot that the sting of betrayal and hatred is often to deep to be dislodged easily, that Severus was a Slytherin, taking advantage of every situation.

Oh, yes, I know how he raped Harry's mind. I know how he taunted him. I know he left the Pensieve out deliberately. I know he sabotaged the lessons, all because Harry has the unfortunate luck to take after his father so closely.

And lastly, I did not force Sirius to stay put.

And he is dead. Dear Harry is alone and hurting. Miss Granger, Miss and Mr Weasley huddled together in shared grief for him.

All at my hand.

Forgive me, for I have sinned.


End file.
